Interlude Part 2: Musings from the Left Coast

I'm Back!!!!!!!!!!!!

Back from a interesting few days in San Diego, I have a few thoughts to share with you from my trip

Never fly Southwest, and here's why:

1. Southwest Airlines may be asking the other airlines why they hate your bags, but I'm asking them why they hate my stomach. Really? Peanuts and Lorna Doones for a 4 hour flight...

2. Snow on the Plane: Non-Fiction, my friends. When Southwest Airlines lands, for some reason they feel the need to open a back door hatch- even in Chi-Town, which was a balmy 25 degrees with a case of bad atmospheric dandruff- Thus “Snow in a Plane!”- Tyler perry wack the verdict is in-

The Verdict is In:

Officially I no longer have a “serious” problem with the term “people of color”. The beauty of seing Asian, Latino, and other “people of color” use the term in an attempt to gain solidarity with one another far outweighs any semantical argument that I may make in regard to the history of being "colored". Although I still refuse to actually use the term myself. Hey...baby steps

San Diego is not awesome, here's why

1. The weather is overrated, I experienced the coldest 70 degree day ever, thier 70 is the equivalent of an East Coast/Midwest 55.

2. The place is too clean, not cool "Toronto is like a clean New York" clean- but more like a strange post-modern experiment, where all of the interesting people have been taken away, and the really clean, punctual-boring, anti-drug and pro-life crowd hangs out-clean

Yankee Dread

PS: A real non-interlude blog is in the works...promise

I Hate Your Friends: Why Facebook makes me hate people that I don't even know (an Interlude)

by The Yankee Dread

One of the things that I often forget about Facebook, is that it is really not a large community at all, rather a web of several smallish communities tied together (loosely) by friends, friends of friends, and friends of friends of friends...

One of the things that I am beginning to realize about Facebook is that it is making me hate your friends...this is merely an interlude, therefore I should get right to the point and share a couple of observations on why I hate your Facebook friends:

1. The commenter: (Someone that replies to a post clearly not intended for them)

I hate you more than I hate the second season of the Wire, because I did not intend to talk to communicate with you, I don't care that you disagree with me, and now you have forced me to hate someone that I don't really know. 

2. The Religious-Zealot: (Someone that interjects their Fundamentalist-Evangelical views into every post)

Unless someone asks you to pray for them, please stop. I especially hate the cop-out/lazy aspect of you people...I mean your friend has just opened up to you (and 300 people that they barely know, or had one-night-stands with) about something really deep, or that they have been stressing about, and rather than actually try to help them, your either say "give it to God" or quote some random passage from Thessalonians...you suck!!!....and I hate you more than Philadelphia Eagles fans who still think Kevin Kolb is the future in Philly.

3. Your Dude-Friend (Although it has occurred to me that I may be this "dude" to "other dudes")

This is the douchebag showing off his abs, or posing in his facebook picture with his cellphone, or some other wack fake-rapper bullsh*t in his profile pic window...I hate this guy more than Paul Pierce's facial hair situation...and a question to my intelligent and beautful Facebook ladies: Are these man-whores as transparent to you as they are to other dudes?????????

4. Every single one of my little cousin's friends 

Did my freinds suck that bad when I was 20-23? I hate them more than that Glee Bullsh*t

5. Tyler Perry Fans

I hate that you let your friends like this guy...It makes me lose respect for you

6. The Correctors

Who in the f*&^ are you to correct me....plus the last three "friends of friends" who did this were wrong, incidentally

7. The Right-Wing Facists

A. Where did you meet these assh*les, at the last Midlantic Klan rally? It makes me wonder about you...

and

B. Why do you constantly make excuses for knowing/being friends with these people...like any other interpersonal relationship it is not a good sign if you have to explain why and how you know someone

8. (Fake) Patriots

see above

9. Your Family

I said it...YOUR FAMILY SUCKS! Tell the truth, would you talk to half of these people if you weren''t related to them...Honestly, 9 times out of 10, if I go on your page and see some weird-pseudo-religious-quasi-philosophical-Tyler Perry-Oprah cult madness...you guessed it....they have either your last name or shared facial features....I hate them more than the fact that Janet Jackson continues to get acting roles

10. The nickname-middle name people

Are you kidding me? John The Coolest Smith or Samantha Beautiful Swagger Jones...you are a horrible person, and you have now given that fact away....think of the guys that you know named Tiny....are they ever really tiny? and I haven't skimmed Genesis or Exodus lately, but isn't the 3rd commandment Thou Shalt Not Come Up With Thine Own Nicknames! If not it should be...

I'm not saying that your racist, but...

One of the things that has really bothered me lately is the liberal use of the term "race card". I'm not sure whether to blame OJ or AC, but ever since the most famous Ford Bronco ride of all time, and the subsequent "trial of the century", people have thrown this term around like mystery meat in a middle school food-fight. It seems that it's become a shut-down/go-to defense for...well, racists to be racists. When you study the history of the term more closely, however, it isn't that surprising to see what its become, considering that it was invented to defend a....well, racist:

The "race card-card" as I have coined it, is at best an expression of denial of the existence of racism, and at its worst: a thinly-veiled admission of one's own racism (and by the way, that lame sh*t only works on people with no skills in the field of debate). So I encourage you to not use this term when in serious arguments, it really only gives away your crazy-Limbaugh-Beck world view, and the fact that your probably an anti-intellectual who says things like "book-smarts" and think way too much about Michael Vick...
However, in an effort to never be accused of being a person who points out problems without offering solutions, I have come up with something productive to offer my fellow evolved monkeys: A list of things/phrases/actions to avoid unless you want your black and or progressive/liberal friends to write you off as a probable bat-sh*t/Hannity/Gingrich (closeted) racist: Of course I am hyperbolizing a-bit, but you might (key word)  be a 21st century post-racial biggot if you:

Add up




1. Use the term "race card" when people bring up possible racist activity in our society
(see above)



2. Still bring up the OJ Simpson trial more than once a year
First of all, I have to admit that this has finally died down for the most part in recent years, however every now and then (and this is mostly from racist-comedians, a group of people that I will go in on in future musings) I still hear people randomly bring up this now 15-year old case. Do not do this, unless you want to bring out the inner-Sharpton in this author...

3. If you think that College Basketball is somehow better than Professional Basketball...
This is a touchy one, so let me be specific...I am not necessarily saying that you can't believe that college basketball is more "fun to watch" or that it is refreshing to see "real offensive schemes being executed" from time to time, however if you say any of the following, I am talking about you:

- "I don't even watch the NBA anymore" Your use of "anymore" gives you away here...
- "I can't believe how much money they make to play a game" Yet you have no problem with how much Ben Affleck makes being a terrible actor
- "I shoot better than that guy" No you don't...period


4. If you listen/watch to any of the following shows:
Sean Hannity
Rush Limbaugh
Marc Levin
Glenn Beck
Bill O'Reilly
Michael Savage (although he is really entertaining)
Michelle Malkin
Ann Coulter
The Real Housewives of Atlanta *(specifically for self-hating black people)

5. If you say or have ever said: "I like all-music, except rap music"
Just because you pulled up next to some gangster wannabees, playing the latest ignorant post- hip-hop, corporate-driven "bitch and ho" song, doesn't mean that you know anything about or have "listened" to hip-hop (it hasn't been called rap for some time now...) music. Judging the genre as a whole based on this is like someone else writing off rock-n-roll because they heard a five second snippet from David Bowie's Tin Machine....

6. *Just for self-hating black folks: If you like Tyler Perry and/or his movies:
You can't like this guy, and not hate yourself:

7. You refer to the President as "Obama" or have ever used the term "Obamacare"
A. He is the President of the United States (you true American Patriot, you)
and
B. I know that dissing the term "Universal Health Care" sounds really bad so you had to create another term, but much like compassionate comnservatism, "Obamacare" doesn't exist just because you keep repeating it...




8. If you think that this woman is either: attractive or intelligent:

While most of this is satyrical humor, this one is not...If you like or more importantly "respect" this idiot, you have serious, serious issues...period, if offer you these quotes to accentuate my point:

A. "'Refudiate,' 'misunderestimate,' 'wee-wee'd up.' English is a living language. Shakespeare liked to coin new words too. Got to celebrate it!'" --a Tweet sent by Sarah Palin in response to being ridicule for inventing the word "refudiate," proudly mistaking her illiteracy for literary genius, July 18, 2010


B. "I think on a national level your Department of Law there in the White House would look at some of the things that we've been charged with and automatically throw them out." --Sarah Palin, referring to a department that does not exist while attempting to explain why as president she wouldn't be subjected to the same ethics investigations that compelled her to resign as governor of Alaska, ABC News interview, July 7, 2009


C.  "As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where– where do they go? It's Alaska. It's just right over the border." --Sarah Palin, explaining why Alaska's proximity to Russia gives her foreign policy experience, interview with CBS's Katie Couric, Sept. 24, 2008


case closed...


Peace


The Yankee Dread, November 4, 2010

what exactly does it mean to be a MAN ?

By The Awesomest

Has the definition of the male species been reduced to simply the label on the door you open when you need to go to the bathroom? Volvo isn't a woman's car at all?

Manliness is down overall as...

Physical contact has is being slowly legislated out of professional sports.

Boxing is less popular than its ever been.

People don't get beat up anymore....... they get shot.

When i was a kid we played games like "suicide" and "kill-a-man". Every game seemed to have a painfull element to it.  Tests of fortitude.

The most prolific R and B band of the 80's and early 90's was Fullforce. Muscle bound love music.

 (They signed the largest production deal signing bonus ever at the time.6 million only to be out done by Wu-tang at 9 million.)

Would you want to meet them in a dark alley? and they had jeri-curls?

.............today we have Usher  Raymond and guys like that.

even Rock and Roll singers used to be tough. 

Names like Rock Hudson* ,Burt Reynolds, Mr-T, Tom Jones would  exude testoserone and today find themselves obsolete.now we have Will and Grace and  the metrosexual characters of cable

In the streets people dont get stuck up anymore.From time to time you had a victim who was not going to accept a robbery that day.So now you have a varitey of drug dealers and shisters. They get what they want in the less direct manner.

Has the women's movement changed the role of the male permanently?

Have we conceded so much of our responsibilities that the differences between men and women will be almost unnoticeable?

Does Oprah have alot to do with this? Ever since the 'Color Purple' and Cheryl Pepsi Riley did 'Thanks for my child' (which by the way was written by six men) things have swayed.

Remember the old western movie plots?

When a husband and wife lay down at night and there is a thump. who gets up? Is there a rotation?

How is this effecting children? Are roles defined enough for them to see? Or is it adding to their confusion as adolescents?

Is homosexuality and valid option if the pressure to be the textbook "male" is too great?

What are our leaders like today? Are they male and female? Are there fewer leaders overall ? resulting in less outstanding and less defined leadership?

In the Black community for example 40 years ago there were several outstanding male icons. they have not been replaced.Why is that?

In sports today we have Kobe while experiencing similar success  he clearly lacks the fortitude Jordan had  before him.The NBA created the Jordan rules but mike never complained about the physical play he dealt with.

I'm sure Kobe would have several speeches per week about it.Times sure have changed.


The "wife beater" sleeveless under shirt has been replaced by the t-shirt. (no muscles required)

 Not to say there were no concessions for men to make to women. But where are men today and where are they headed?

If i image google search "tough guy" this comes up:

If  I search "80's tough" guy this shows up:

What is going on ?

flavor flav  1980's was zany but backed up by the hardest rap sound available.....

today kanye seems to be channeling him for the same result but his formula is different. Identify the differences between the two and  you can you then see my point.

Things that I learned over the last couple of weeks

1. Just when I thought that no award show could be worse than the BET awards...
I had the unfortunate experience of watching the BET Hip-Hop awards in their entirety last week. Aside from horrible unintelligible performances by untalented people (Steve Harvey was right after all), and the many stupid things uttered by bad-looking people (what passes for hip-hop fashion right now is beyond problematic), perhaps the worst part was the "Cipher" interludes, apparently intended for "purists" like myself and others, which included prepared freestyles by up and coming rappers mixed in with old standards such as Busta Rhymes and Common, and perhaps the worse 32 bars-in-the-history of rap music (talk about nursery rhymes) by the shell of a legend: Ice Cube...oh yeah his sons are both hot garbage. Positives: Oddly enough, the little guy from Run's House wasn't bad, and Mike Epps was very funny.

2. Christine O'Donnell is not a dumb as I thought...
Well maybe that's not true, she is pretty dumb, however she isn't Palin-Bush dumb, just kind of regular-dumb, like a lot of people that used to go on dates at Satanic altars and are against masterbation. No really...unlike Palin and Bush, she kind of made sense on more than one occasion, and actually completed sentences on occasion....she is definitely the type of mediocrity that gets Glen Beck and the tea-baggers all riled up.

3. There are other people on Earth that dislike Drake and Nikki Minaj...
First, my favorite bloggers over at Very Smart Brothas went in hard on Drake, then Jay Pharoah (get hip if your not already) has a great set about both of these frauds here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mGnjLZZxn-8. 
It's good to know that there are still sane people out there...

4. Kevin Kolb doesn't suck nearly as bad as a thought...
Although he still isn't as good as Michael Vick OR as white Philadelphia sports fans think he is. So now I will shift my Kolb-dissing to a superficial level...man he is funny looking

5. Ohio State will always lose in Madison at night...
Apparently this is an unavoidable inevidability

6. I like Will Smith's daughters' song
Guilty

7. A-Rod is a complete fraud...
Has this guy ever had a big hit in a big game?...Reggie Jackson he is not...

PEACE

Correction: Good News and Bad

Apparently the Unabomber is a Michigan grad (Good News).
(Bad News) This guy is a Buckeye:

Proof that God Hates Ohio in Pictures

I have been thinking for sometime that God might just hate the state of Ohio. Here is my attempt to prove my case:

1. Anthony Sowell: Really, we get the first black serial killer...you gotta be kidding me!

2. Dennis Kucinich: This is the guy that Ohio trots out every year to run for President. Forget the fact that he is a "Trekie" that believes in alien abductions....look at his ears! Where is Rutherford B. Hayes when you need him.

3. Lima: If you aren't from Ohio, you might not immediately get this one, but just picture Newark, New Jersey in a down year with a majority white population...Also at least 4 out of 10 of the worst people that I've ever met are from Lima, Ohio.

4. Two of the major cities in Ohio aren't even really Ohio: Cincinatti is the capital of Kentucky, and Columbus the true capital of West Virginia...incidentally both places suck...immensely.

5. Maurice Clarett: This also shows the big man's sense of humor, by actually allowing us to win something (Ohio State's 2001 Championship led by Clarett) only to have the brother end up........well, just look at the photo:

6. Ted Kuczinski (The Unabomber): Another accomplished O-State alum...

7. LeBron James: It's still too soon to comment....It hurts!!!!! (in toddler voice)

8. The Cleveland Browns: Not only has God punished us with never making it to a Super Bowl, but he has allowed two imposter versions (the Bengals and Ravens) of our team to....you guessed it, go to a Super Bowl. The only good news is that we're not the Detroit Lions.

Coming Soon: a new contributor/author to the blog, you'll like him, and he has very good hair. I've been told even better than mine...peace

DC the Yankee Dread

Ebonics and Ivronics

Ebonics and Ivronics

It occurred to me the other day that Ebonics is some bulls***t. Remember a few years ago when this was the big buzz word? I can't count how many times that my friends and co-workers would come up to me and ask “Hey DC, what do you think about Ebonics?” or the one that I really liked and miss (if nothing else for it's unparallelled, unintentional comedic value): “Do you believe in Ebonics?” (See, I told you! I mean that's Christine O'Donnell funny). Let me say first of all that I don't mind speaking for and entire group of people (in this case I'm assuming that people were really asking: what is the official African-American position on the 'Ebonics' movement?, I've been doing it my entire life, and actually have become somewhat skilled at being the local unofficial NAACP spokesperson at any given moment around my non-black brothers and sisters, hey if nothing else it's an ego boost. Alas, I have digressed...How did I answer? Well...let's take the second version of the question first, mainly because it's a terrible question on many fronts, but for the sake of brevity, I will tackle only both questions, by answering in few ways:

1. I believe that I still have a shot as a professional athlete (if I could get the right break). So speaking as a broke-down 33-year old former marginally-good athlete from the time when LL Cool J was a legitimate rapper, who in the hell cares what other people believe (besides right-wing-Republicans). *On a serious note, this I believe (pun intended) is actually subdued 21^st century racism (ooooh, he said racism!). Why do African-American constructs have to be legitimized in a way that other cultures and ethnicities do not? I mean is somebody really asking if I believe in a dialect? People speak the way that they speak, period, curiously African-Americans must prove (apparently) that the way that they speak is real, now that's just Jim Crow weird if you ask me.
2. By asking the question, you are making a statement...Your black friend is really thinking, why is he asking me that? It's a second-cousin to the why can't I use the N-word? The rappers due- logic. Right or wrong, you must understand that we are beginning to wonder about you when you do this. Note* If you do ask these questions, and under no circumstances should you ask both of them on the same day, that's just Glenn Beck weird.
3. It depends on which day that you ask me...Hey black or not, I'm human being, so there are several factors which go into my daily opinions, ranging from what time of day it is, or whether or not I am sober, had coffee or not, etc. ; bottom line (to a certain degree) here is that (if you don't know me or haven't figured it out yet) I speak differently (code-switching 101) in front of different audiences, and always have the potential to be full of sh*t, and am not always in the mood to argue (Barack Obama weird).
4. Finally: Yes, I do...there, now let's argue (Bill O'reilly weird)

With that being answered, I now am proud to share with you my latest accomplishment. Unlike Christopher Columbus, I have actually discovered something. I call it Ivronics. That's right: common White-American dialect (largely gathered from an inordinate amount of Jerry Springer and Judge Judy views) Here is my proof of discovery:

1. “He came to my work”
   You cannot (no matter hard that you want) go to a verb. Please, before you comment that “work” can be a noun...be honest, the folks you use this term are not aware of this...
2. “I seen him down there”
   This one just makes me giggle, but independent of that, I still believe in Ivronics
3. “I borrowed her the money”
   This one actually deserves a “get the f*** outta here!”, but I'll refrain from that, and instead comment that even illiterate cats and toddlers must find humor in this level of butchery of the English language.
4. Finally, hot off the press: Whenever in place of when.
   Example: Q: “Why didn't you guys come over last Friday after we called you to meet us”
   A: (In Ivronics): “Whenever you called us, I thought you meant this Friday”
   A fair question at this point, is what is the point?
   First of all....it's a blog, isn't the whole point that I don't need a point. I'd go back to my doctorate program and finish my dissertation if I wanted to be questioned by a bunch of people coming down from their mountain-tops to judge my opinions. By the way, your commentary is welcomed even if ignored by the author at a later date/time.

Bottom Line: People are people. Black, White, or otherwise, no one speaks then “King's English” anymore in America. Perhaps we should go the way of Brazil and change the official language to American-English to more accurately reflect our true language. In any event, don't tell how “cool” that the Boston accent is, or lecture me on the history behind the “Cajun dialect”, and then diss African-Americans as being unintelligent or otherwise by the way that they speak, it's just bootleg and anti-intelligent malarkey...Tea Party weird

Seven Possible Reasons Tyler Perry is Popular

I have been lamenting for the past few years over the fact that so many of the folks (Sorry Tavis, but the plural form of this word does require an "s" on the end) that I know, love, and more importantly: respect enjoy Tyler Perry and his movies. I can't count how many times I have heard: "Madea is funny!" or "I can't wait for 'Why did I get Married' to come out on Blu-Ray". I honestly can't think of something or someone that I despise more, save the BET Awards or plays featuring Shirley Murdock than Mr. Perry and his movies. I also am beginning to wonder if there aren't some perfectly good explanations that explain his meteoric rise to fame and acceptance. My friends have been begging me for years to make my musings (fancy word for random tantrums) public...well...I couldn't think of a better way to get started than by sharing my feelings about TP ad his role in the neo-minstrel movement agenda:


1. America likes black people who smile a lot


When asked about Louis Armstrong one day, Miles Davis commented that "he smiles a bit too much for me". Every time I see this brother he is smiling, and not the cool "I've really pullled one over on the establishment" smiles" like Samuel L. Jackson smile, but the one that I use when the police pull me over to seem less threatening...America loves smiling negroes...period, wearing a dress while smiling is absolutely fantastic


2. Most black folks secretly hate themseleves
Hey, If you don't like this one, then you explain Black folks who voted for Hillary Clinton and Taye Diggs.


3. Black folks (especially women) really like the Color Purple
WTF DC? Tyler Perry didn't make the Color Purple...I know this (mainly because all of the women in that film are played by women), however aren't all of his movies really just "The Color Purple 2.0" updated to replace the early 20th century planation scene with the new weird almost Atlanta-like, post racial, burgiousse world in which all new "black people" movies are set?


4. Bishop Eddie Long would probably like it
I will tread lightly here, as not to offend my religious brothers and sisters, but Perry subtly interjects just enough "megachurch" langauge and religious imagery to make this attractive to black folks, and more importantly make them feel okay with the obvious crap that they are watching.


5. Some of it is funny
So was some of Amos and Andy...but its 2010 right?


6. Black people will try to support other black people when push comes to shove
Proof: the majority of us supported O.J....


7. There aren't enough "black" shows on television, or "black" movies in the theatres
I have to admit that i have watched way too much For the Love of Ray-J and Soul Food over the years to not at least understand wanting too see people that look, sound, and act like us on the screen in front of us, but damn...have any of you ever seriously tried to watch an episode of Meet the Browns? And by the way, what happened to that weird Ice Cube version of a Tyler Perry show?


Don Christopher aka The Yankee Dread
October 4, 2010