So I've adopted this new policy that no matter what it is that pisses me off to the highest of pissivity, that I'll wait at least 24 hours to deal with it- I call it the “24-Hour rule”, clever huh? So in the spirit of thinking for a bit before taking action, I decided to save my biggest thoughts from 2010 until now, rather than spout off on New Years' Day, or any other time during the worst month of the year (January, for those of you who are slow, February comes in a close second...):
So Here Goes:
- Conservatives: You guys get on my nerves every day, every year, but a list of pet peeves wouldn't be complete without you all. Just to provide some loosely accurate context (A skill that I learned from you guys!) as to the origins of the “conservative movement”- I thought that I'd provide a list of historical “conservatives”:
Jefferson Davis
King Herod
Richard Nixon
The Crazy Guy from Tuscon
Glenn Beck
Crazy Segregationists in the South
Bill O'Reilly
Klansmen
Dick Cheyney
The Grinch
Condoleeza Rice
Sean Hannity
Rush Limbaugh
Islamic Terrorists
The people that killed all the Native Americans
Morton 1, Conservatives 0
- People who think that Peyton Manning does everything by his-self, and that the players around him, coaches, and staff don't matter...
Recently, one of my favorite sports-show broadcaster made this statement: “Everyone knows
that the Colts would be a 3-13 team without Manning...”, then I thought what complete bull...
While I will be the first to admit that Peyton Manning is great, probably the best quarterback
that I've ever seen, however he's not a one-man show- not at all- at least not in the ways that
most undereducated sports fan realize- and here are some specific things that you need to know:
take notes of you'd like:
a. Marvin Harrison had a lot to do with his early success- notice that they haven't won anything
since one of the most underrated players of this era (Harrison) left Indy...even though I could
never get into that falling-down-after-you-catch-the-ball-thing that he used to do- he was not
just good, but great- and guess what...Reggie Wayne and Dallas Clark are pretty damn good
players in their own right.
b. He has played for very good coaches- without getting into to the particulars of Dungy, Tom
Moore or Caldwell- suffice it to say that they are all better and smarter than Josh McDaniel,
Eric Mangini, Jim Schwartz, Tom Cable, Tom Sparano, Marvin Lewis, and host of other
bums who coach in the National Football League- my theory is that it has something to do
with discrediting the success (save this past season) of his two African-American head
coaches- but I'll save this for my next blog that will get right down to business in relation
to football and its fear of black coaches/front office people...
c. He does not call his own plays- almost ever! About 99% of those pre-play shenanigans
are what we in the “biz” call- dummy calls- If I hear one more person talk about how he
just “wings it” or “draws plays up sand-lot style”...I assure you he does not- football,
namely the NFL is a multi-billion dollar enterprise, with some very business savvy people
running things, they would not let a guy “wing it” every sunday no more than the people
at IBM or Google let their leadership “wing it”...people that operate in the “real” business
world are acutely aware of the role that planning and homework play into success stories-
and in these two areas, I will give P.M. Credit, apparently he is the most well studied QB's
of this generation.
*Just a post-script: If you still don't believe me than answer this: If Tom Moore doesn't
call the plays, than why was he hired as a “consultant” after he “retired” as O. Coordinator?
Answer: because he calls the plays....
*Update
d. One last thing about Peyton: Why does he get away with being so damned ugly?
Remember Pat Ewing? Two things that I remember about Pat was that he never missed
that one baseline-jumper he had at the garden....ever! And that every time he played,
someone made reference to his appearance- usually something like “Damn he's ugly!”
I remember people referring to Sam Cassell as an alien, and Flavor Flav...well you've
all heard it....so why does Peyton Manning get away with looking like this?
3. Last, but not least: Delaware Drivers, with out doubt the worst drivers in the modern world, here is why:
a. They think that merging is yielding, and yielding is merging: If you don't believe me, drive
on the Tyler McConnell Bridge between 7-9 am, its beyond fascinating, it's actually like
a strange behavioral experiment where people have all made a conscious effort to be
backwards- downright otherworldly!
b. Speaking of backwards- People in Delaware think that they have the right away BACKING
OUT OF THEIR PARKING SPACES IN PARKING LOTS- I shit you not- they will not
only blindly pull out of their spots (backwards), but (get this), honk at you when you
have the nerve to go straight!
c. They almost always drive below the speed limit- even on I-95- Although it is fun for a
people watcher such as myself to watch angry PA, NY, and NY drivers weave in and out
of traffic threatening my little ugly-license plated neighbors.
d. They go slow in the left lane- even on 95- see comments from exhibit c.
e. They let people in way too much- even at green lights, these backwards bamas let
no less than three to four people into the flow of traffic coming out of every parking
lot every time that they see them- suffice it to say you will never make it on time- ANY
WHERE...
Suffice it to say that I hate them all...ahhh I feel better already. Next time I' gonna go
in hard on their stupid-ass black ceramic license plates that …..you guessed it: makes them
even worse drivers!!!!!!!!!
In summary, 2010 was not a bad or good year, but just another year...and I don't hope for anything or make any resolutions for the new year- because the world will still be racist, and I'll still be in Delaware...peace
The Yankee Dread.
