I Hate Your Friends: Why Facebook makes me hate people that I don't even know (an Interlude)

by The Yankee Dread

One of the things that I often forget about Facebook, is that it is really not a large community at all, rather a web of several smallish communities tied together (loosely) by friends, friends of friends, and friends of friends of friends...

One of the things that I am beginning to realize about Facebook is that it is making me hate your friends...this is merely an interlude, therefore I should get right to the point and share a couple of observations on why I hate your Facebook friends:

1. The commenter: (Someone that replies to a post clearly not intended for them)

I hate you more than I hate the second season of the Wire, because I did not intend to talk to communicate with you, I don't care that you disagree with me, and now you have forced me to hate someone that I don't really know. 

2. The Religious-Zealot: (Someone that interjects their Fundamentalist-Evangelical views into every post)

Unless someone asks you to pray for them, please stop. I especially hate the cop-out/lazy aspect of you people...I mean your friend has just opened up to you (and 300 people that they barely know, or had one-night-stands with) about something really deep, or that they have been stressing about, and rather than actually try to help them, your either say "give it to God" or quote some random passage from Thessalonians...you suck!!!....and I hate you more than Philadelphia Eagles fans who still think Kevin Kolb is the future in Philly.

3. Your Dude-Friend (Although it has occurred to me that I may be this "dude" to "other dudes")

This is the douchebag showing off his abs, or posing in his facebook picture with his cellphone, or some other wack fake-rapper bullsh*t in his profile pic window...I hate this guy more than Paul Pierce's facial hair situation...and a question to my intelligent and beautful Facebook ladies: Are these man-whores as transparent to you as they are to other dudes?????????

4. Every single one of my little cousin's friends 

Did my freinds suck that bad when I was 20-23? I hate them more than that Glee Bullsh*t

5. Tyler Perry Fans

I hate that you let your friends like this guy...It makes me lose respect for you

6. The Correctors

Who in the f*&^ are you to correct me....plus the last three "friends of friends" who did this were wrong, incidentally

7. The Right-Wing Facists

A. Where did you meet these assh*les, at the last Midlantic Klan rally? It makes me wonder about you...

and

B. Why do you constantly make excuses for knowing/being friends with these people...like any other interpersonal relationship it is not a good sign if you have to explain why and how you know someone

8. (Fake) Patriots

see above

9. Your Family

I said it...YOUR FAMILY SUCKS! Tell the truth, would you talk to half of these people if you weren''t related to them...Honestly, 9 times out of 10, if I go on your page and see some weird-pseudo-religious-quasi-philosophical-Tyler Perry-Oprah cult madness...you guessed it....they have either your last name or shared facial features....I hate them more than the fact that Janet Jackson continues to get acting roles

10. The nickname-middle name people

Are you kidding me? John The Coolest Smith or Samantha Beautiful Swagger Jones...you are a horrible person, and you have now given that fact away....think of the guys that you know named Tiny....are they ever really tiny? and I haven't skimmed Genesis or Exodus lately, but isn't the 3rd commandment Thou Shalt Not Come Up With Thine Own Nicknames! If not it should be...