Things that I learned over the last couple of weeks

1. Just when I thought that no award show could be worse than the BET awards...
I had the unfortunate experience of watching the BET Hip-Hop awards in their entirety last week. Aside from horrible unintelligible performances by untalented people (Steve Harvey was right after all), and the many stupid things uttered by bad-looking people (what passes for hip-hop fashion right now is beyond problematic), perhaps the worst part was the "Cipher" interludes, apparently intended for "purists" like myself and others, which included prepared freestyles by up and coming rappers mixed in with old standards such as Busta Rhymes and Common, and perhaps the worse 32 bars-in-the-history of rap music (talk about nursery rhymes) by the shell of a legend: Ice Cube...oh yeah his sons are both hot garbage. Positives: Oddly enough, the little guy from Run's House wasn't bad, and Mike Epps was very funny.

2. Christine O'Donnell is not a dumb as I thought...
Well maybe that's not true, she is pretty dumb, however she isn't Palin-Bush dumb, just kind of regular-dumb, like a lot of people that used to go on dates at Satanic altars and are against masterbation. No really...unlike Palin and Bush, she kind of made sense on more than one occasion, and actually completed sentences on occasion....she is definitely the type of mediocrity that gets Glen Beck and the tea-baggers all riled up.

3. There are other people on Earth that dislike Drake and Nikki Minaj...
First, my favorite bloggers over at Very Smart Brothas went in hard on Drake, then Jay Pharoah (get hip if your not already) has a great set about both of these frauds here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mGnjLZZxn-8. 
It's good to know that there are still sane people out there...

4. Kevin Kolb doesn't suck nearly as bad as a thought...
Although he still isn't as good as Michael Vick OR as white Philadelphia sports fans think he is. So now I will shift my Kolb-dissing to a superficial level...man he is funny looking

5. Ohio State will always lose in Madison at night...
Apparently this is an unavoidable inevidability

6. I like Will Smith's daughters' song
Guilty

7. A-Rod is a complete fraud...
Has this guy ever had a big hit in a big game?...Reggie Jackson he is not...

PEACE

Correction: Good News and Bad

Apparently the Unabomber is a Michigan grad (Good News).
(Bad News) This guy is a Buckeye:

Proof that God Hates Ohio in Pictures

I have been thinking for sometime that God might just hate the state of Ohio. Here is my attempt to prove my case:

1. Anthony Sowell: Really, we get the first black serial killer...you gotta be kidding me!

2. Dennis Kucinich: This is the guy that Ohio trots out every year to run for President. Forget the fact that he is a "Trekie" that believes in alien abductions....look at his ears! Where is Rutherford B. Hayes when you need him.

3. Lima: If you aren't from Ohio, you might not immediately get this one, but just picture Newark, New Jersey in a down year with a majority white population...Also at least 4 out of 10 of the worst people that I've ever met are from Lima, Ohio.

4. Two of the major cities in Ohio aren't even really Ohio: Cincinatti is the capital of Kentucky, and Columbus the true capital of West Virginia...incidentally both places suck...immensely.

5. Maurice Clarett: This also shows the big man's sense of humor, by actually allowing us to win something (Ohio State's 2001 Championship led by Clarett) only to have the brother end up........well, just look at the photo:

6. Ted Kuczinski (The Unabomber): Another accomplished O-State alum...

7. LeBron James: It's still too soon to comment....It hurts!!!!! (in toddler voice)

8. The Cleveland Browns: Not only has God punished us with never making it to a Super Bowl, but he has allowed two imposter versions (the Bengals and Ravens) of our team to....you guessed it, go to a Super Bowl. The only good news is that we're not the Detroit Lions.

Coming Soon: a new contributor/author to the blog, you'll like him, and he has very good hair. I've been told even better than mine...peace

DC the Yankee Dread

Ebonics and Ivronics

Ebonics and Ivronics

It occurred to me the other day that Ebonics is some bulls***t. Remember a few years ago when this was the big buzz word? I can't count how many times that my friends and co-workers would come up to me and ask “Hey DC, what do you think about Ebonics?” or the one that I really liked and miss (if nothing else for it's unparallelled, unintentional comedic value): “Do you believe in Ebonics?” (See, I told you! I mean that's Christine O'Donnell funny). Let me say first of all that I don't mind speaking for and entire group of people (in this case I'm assuming that people were really asking: what is the official African-American position on the 'Ebonics' movement?, I've been doing it my entire life, and actually have become somewhat skilled at being the local unofficial NAACP spokesperson at any given moment around my non-black brothers and sisters, hey if nothing else it's an ego boost. Alas, I have digressed...How did I answer? Well...let's take the second version of the question first, mainly because it's a terrible question on many fronts, but for the sake of brevity, I will tackle only both questions, by answering in few ways:

1. I believe that I still have a shot as a professional athlete (if I could get the right break). So speaking as a broke-down 33-year old former marginally-good athlete from the time when LL Cool J was a legitimate rapper, who in the hell cares what other people believe (besides right-wing-Republicans). *On a serious note, this I believe (pun intended) is actually subdued 21^st century racism (ooooh, he said racism!). Why do African-American constructs have to be legitimized in a way that other cultures and ethnicities do not? I mean is somebody really asking if I believe in a dialect? People speak the way that they speak, period, curiously African-Americans must prove (apparently) that the way that they speak is real, now that's just Jim Crow weird if you ask me.
2. By asking the question, you are making a statement...Your black friend is really thinking, why is he asking me that? It's a second-cousin to the why can't I use the N-word? The rappers due- logic. Right or wrong, you must understand that we are beginning to wonder about you when you do this. Note* If you do ask these questions, and under no circumstances should you ask both of them on the same day, that's just Glenn Beck weird.
3. It depends on which day that you ask me...Hey black or not, I'm human being, so there are several factors which go into my daily opinions, ranging from what time of day it is, or whether or not I am sober, had coffee or not, etc. ; bottom line (to a certain degree) here is that (if you don't know me or haven't figured it out yet) I speak differently (code-switching 101) in front of different audiences, and always have the potential to be full of sh*t, and am not always in the mood to argue (Barack Obama weird).
4. Finally: Yes, I do...there, now let's argue (Bill O'reilly weird)

With that being answered, I now am proud to share with you my latest accomplishment. Unlike Christopher Columbus, I have actually discovered something. I call it Ivronics. That's right: common White-American dialect (largely gathered from an inordinate amount of Jerry Springer and Judge Judy views) Here is my proof of discovery:

1. “He came to my work”
   You cannot (no matter hard that you want) go to a verb. Please, before you comment that “work” can be a noun...be honest, the folks you use this term are not aware of this...
2. “I seen him down there”
   This one just makes me giggle, but independent of that, I still believe in Ivronics
3. “I borrowed her the money”
   This one actually deserves a “get the f*** outta here!”, but I'll refrain from that, and instead comment that even illiterate cats and toddlers must find humor in this level of butchery of the English language.
4. Finally, hot off the press: Whenever in place of when.
   Example: Q: “Why didn't you guys come over last Friday after we called you to meet us”
   A: (In Ivronics): “Whenever you called us, I thought you meant this Friday”
   A fair question at this point, is what is the point?
   First of all....it's a blog, isn't the whole point that I don't need a point. I'd go back to my doctorate program and finish my dissertation if I wanted to be questioned by a bunch of people coming down from their mountain-tops to judge my opinions. By the way, your commentary is welcomed even if ignored by the author at a later date/time.

Bottom Line: People are people. Black, White, or otherwise, no one speaks then “King's English” anymore in America. Perhaps we should go the way of Brazil and change the official language to American-English to more accurately reflect our true language. In any event, don't tell how “cool” that the Boston accent is, or lecture me on the history behind the “Cajun dialect”, and then diss African-Americans as being unintelligent or otherwise by the way that they speak, it's just bootleg and anti-intelligent malarkey...Tea Party weird

Seven Possible Reasons Tyler Perry is Popular

I have been lamenting for the past few years over the fact that so many of the folks (Sorry Tavis, but the plural form of this word does require an "s" on the end) that I know, love, and more importantly: respect enjoy Tyler Perry and his movies. I can't count how many times I have heard: "Madea is funny!" or "I can't wait for 'Why did I get Married' to come out on Blu-Ray". I honestly can't think of something or someone that I despise more, save the BET Awards or plays featuring Shirley Murdock than Mr. Perry and his movies. I also am beginning to wonder if there aren't some perfectly good explanations that explain his meteoric rise to fame and acceptance. My friends have been begging me for years to make my musings (fancy word for random tantrums) public...well...I couldn't think of a better way to get started than by sharing my feelings about TP ad his role in the neo-minstrel movement agenda:


1. America likes black people who smile a lot


When asked about Louis Armstrong one day, Miles Davis commented that "he smiles a bit too much for me". Every time I see this brother he is smiling, and not the cool "I've really pullled one over on the establishment" smiles" like Samuel L. Jackson smile, but the one that I use when the police pull me over to seem less threatening...America loves smiling negroes...period, wearing a dress while smiling is absolutely fantastic


2. Most black folks secretly hate themseleves
Hey, If you don't like this one, then you explain Black folks who voted for Hillary Clinton and Taye Diggs.


3. Black folks (especially women) really like the Color Purple
WTF DC? Tyler Perry didn't make the Color Purple...I know this (mainly because all of the women in that film are played by women), however aren't all of his movies really just "The Color Purple 2.0" updated to replace the early 20th century planation scene with the new weird almost Atlanta-like, post racial, burgiousse world in which all new "black people" movies are set?


4. Bishop Eddie Long would probably like it
I will tread lightly here, as not to offend my religious brothers and sisters, but Perry subtly interjects just enough "megachurch" langauge and religious imagery to make this attractive to black folks, and more importantly make them feel okay with the obvious crap that they are watching.


5. Some of it is funny
So was some of Amos and Andy...but its 2010 right?


6. Black people will try to support other black people when push comes to shove
Proof: the majority of us supported O.J....


7. There aren't enough "black" shows on television, or "black" movies in the theatres
I have to admit that i have watched way too much For the Love of Ray-J and Soul Food over the years to not at least understand wanting too see people that look, sound, and act like us on the screen in front of us, but damn...have any of you ever seriously tried to watch an episode of Meet the Browns? And by the way, what happened to that weird Ice Cube version of a Tyler Perry show?


Don Christopher aka The Yankee Dread
October 4, 2010